Books
by PurpleSneakers
Summary: Follows Alex from a young child to adulthood, and meeting Olivia.
1. Chapter 1

When Alex was five her grandfather would read to her every time she visited him. Every visit without fail he would have a new book to share with her. He read fairy tales from all over the world, science fiction, farming almanacs, history, The New York Times, whatever took his fancy in the moment. And Alex loved it. She loved the way her grandfather's voice could transport her to anywhere and anytime in the universe. She loved the feeling of safety sitting in her grandfather's lap with his arm protectively around her. Most of all she loved that her grandfather took the time to show her the worlds that exist in books. Her grandmother would flit in and out of the library from time to time, bringing a cup of tea and piece of fruit cake for Grandfather and a glass of milk and an iced cookie for Alex; always star shaped and always pink. And always with the same comment: 'Why do you read that to her? She's a princess and should be hearing stories about princesses marrying princes and living happily ever after.' Grandfather always had the same reply, 'If Alex wants to be a princess and marry a prince she can.' And after Grandmother left the room Grandfather would hold Alex a little bit tighter and whisper to her that if she wanted to be a lawyer she could be. He had a different profession every time. A baker, school teacher, pilot, athlete, dolphin trainer, electrician, accountant, nurse, farmer, mechanic, police officer, doctor, painter. The list of things Alex could be was endless. That was one more reason she loved her grandfather and sought his company so often. It wasn't just the books he read that opened the world to her; it was the words he said. He made her feel like she really could be anything she wanted.

When Alex was nine her grandfather passed away. He left his entire library to Alex. Since Alex would one day inherit the Cabot mansion, it was decided the books would remain in the house. Alex would visit her books as often as possible, but without her grandfather it didn't feel right to go into the library. She would stand in the doorway and scan the shelves. She knew some of the books by their spine and her mind would flash back to moments of her grandfather reading from them. It was six months before she could set foot in the room and bring herself to touch the books. She would stand in front of the shelves and pull a book out and start reading. She stumbled over a few of the words, but her grandfather's voice guided her. His voice guided her through the difficult words in the book, and the difficult emotions she had been dealing with since he died. The difficult emotion was usually her grandmother. Just as Alex had come to the conclusion that life without her grandfather just wasn't the same, her grandmother walked in and made the same comment she'd always made – 'Why are you reading that? You're a princess and should be reading stories about princesses marrying princes and living happily ever after.' That was the comment that made her life difficult. Alex needed to know she could be something other than a princess if she chose to be. Being nine wasn't the same as being five, but surely being older meant she could do more or be more. Being a princess couldn't possibly be the only option for her future, could it?

When Alex was ten she took a book from the library home with her. Her grandfather had given her a book for her birthday for as long as she could remember. It was a tradition Alex didn't want to end. She knew she should be getting ready for the birthday party her grandmother had planned, but without a book from her grandfather it just didn't feel like a birthday. Alex didn't want to choose the book, that wasn't the way birthday presents from Grandfather worked. They were always a surprise and always something Grandfather chose himself. Alex remembered a book she had been read many years ago about people finding water with a stick. She wasn't looking for water, and there weren't any sticks in the library, so she improvised. Seeing Grandfather's Scrabble board in the corner she closed her eyes and picked a letter. If she was going to be guided to a book she needed the essence of a book, the building blocks of chapters, and the elements of words. Letters, Alex decided, were the elements of words. There were only twenty-six elements, but when put together in different ways they were the building blocks of the world. She took it as a good omen when the letter she chose was a G. G for Grandfather. Grandfather would be choosing the book today.


	2. Chapter 2

When Alex was sixteen she decided she was ready to read the book her grandfather had chosen for her tenth birthday. It was Spring break and she had just broken up with her first girlfriend. She didn't feel like going to the beach with her friends and wanted nothing more than to spend the week consumed by a book. The book her grandfather chose would be perfect. She could spend the time listening to her grandfather speak to her through the massive legal book and hope that his presence would calm the inner turmoil she felt. For as long as Alex could remember her grandmother had told her she was a princess and would be marrying a prince. Even with the constant reminder of what was expected of her Alex always remembered what her grandfather had told her - she could be anything she wanted. It was only recently that she had remembered what her grandfather told her grandmother - 'If Alex wants to be a princess and marry a prince she can.' Alex smiled to herself as she recalled all the things her grandfather had said she could be.

The pressure she was under from her teachers and the guidance counsellor at school to choose a career was increasing. How does one choose a path from the many available? The conflict between what her grandmother said and what her grandfather said tore at Alex. Being a princess and marrying a prince seemed so easy. There would be no decisions to make - just find a rich and attractive boy and marry him. Her school was populated with rich and mostly attractive boys, and her parents and grandmother would approve of just about any of them. Being whatever she wanted to be was going to require much more thought and much more effort. And it ran the risk of disappointing her grandmother. Deep down, though, Alex knew she had to make the tougher decisions and take the more difficult path.

That knowledge was partly why she had broken up with Amber. Sure, Amber was hot and her kisses left Alex weak in the knees. They went to the same school and lived in the same social circles. And Amber told Alex she loved her. But Alex knew it wasn't the right relationship for her. Amber knew how attractive she was and used it to take advantage of people. Lately she had been using her looks and popularity to get boys to do her homework and assignments. If she maintained a C average her parents let her do practically anything she wanted. At first it was fun going out on weekends and school nights, drinking until they could barely stand up, making out in the back of Amber's car until 2am. After a few weeks Alex knew her school work was suffering and imposed a midnight curfew for school night outings. Amber wasn't happy about it and often reminded Alex just how unhappy she was. After a few months Alex wanted more from their relationship. She wanted to talk to Amber about the future, where they would go to college, what they would be when they grew up. She wanted to talk about the past, about the books she read with her grandfather, the holidays she went on with her parents as a young child. She wanted to talk about the present, about the pressure she was feeling to make decisions about the future, about the conflict she was feeling.

Every time Alex started a serious conversation Amber would laugh at her or suggest they go out. And because Alex thought Amber loved her she'd go along with it. Three nights before the start of Spring Break Alex tried once more to talk to Amber about the thoughts and feelings she had swimming in her head, each thought and feeling vying for dominance, and contradicting each other. They were sitting on the sofa in Amber's living room and Amber had been drinking. Part way through telling Amber about the books her grandfather read to her, Alex stopped. She looked at Amber and saw the future. She saw the alcohol addiction, the lack of focus, the inability to empathise, the constant need to use others. She saw it all, and didn't like any of it. Instead of sharing her inner most feelings with her girlfriend, she broke up with her. Alex knew it was the right thing to do, but she was missing the distraction Amber provided. Without Amber, Alex was left alone with her thoughts and feelings. It was scary. It was exactly what she needed. It was confronting. It was exactly what she needed.


	3. Chapter 3

When Alex was nineteen she met Jane. It seemed to Alex that it was inevitable they would meet once they already had. Jane was similar to Alex in every way she thought it mattered. Jane was smart, from an elite New York family, had the same political aspirations as Alex, and was enrolled in the same World Literature class as Alex because she loved books. They very quickly got in the habit of going to the campus coffee shop after class to discuss the reading assignment. Those conversations led to other books they had both read, books they wanted to read, fictional characters, real life characters, and eventually a dinner date at a casual but elegant French restaurant. They were inseparable the entire semester. Alex enjoyed the easy conversation she shared with Jane. There were never any arguments, and never any pressure to do anything Alex didn't want to do. Everything was calm and ordered and structured. Jane always made time to do her school work, and made sure Alex did too. It was a pleasant change from the relationship Alex had with Amber. It was pleasant. And after a while Alex began to realise it was also boring. Alex appreciated that Jane was determined and focused and could prioritise tasks. But at the same time Alex wanted to be a priority for Jane. Alex felt as though Jane fit her in around homework, the gym, classes, and the rigid schedule she had devised for herself. Alex wanted spontaneity once in a while. A late night drive for milkshakes. An early morning to watch the sunrise. A weekend without a plan, just an overnight bag and a full tank of gas in the car. Any time Alex tried to be spontaneous she would be met with countless objections from Jane.

There was never any discussion about spending time together over the summer. Alex tried initiating a conversation to gauge whether Jane had any plans or not, but Jane was always so vague about it. Vague and also evasive. It wasn't until a week before classes ended that Jane announced she would be interning at her father's company over the summer. Specifically she would be based in the Johannesburg office. She promised to call Alex on weekends, but by then Alex had lost interest in anything she was saying. Spending the summer working in South Africa wasn't something done on a whim. It was something Jane had known about and deliberately avoided talking about. It felt like the final blow to Alex. She had resigned herself to the fact that Jane would never be a spontaneous person and if they did build a life together it would be highly structured. She thought she could get used to that. But deception was one thing Alex could not abide.

When Alex left Janes dorm room that afternoon she did something she hadn't done in months. She went for a walk without any plan. She was feeling numb and a plan was beyond her mental capabilities in that moment, but it felt good to just be doing something unplanned. Unplanned didn't have to mean unpleasant. It was a warm afternoon, the sun was shining, the flowers were in bloom, and the city seemed to be in a happy mood. It all had a way of seeping into Alex and making the numb a little less numb. She walked for hours, absorbing the mood of the city, releasing the past, and opening spaces for the future. It was a liberating afternoon. Alex didn't know in that moment what the future would hold, but she knew there was room in her life for it, and she was prepared to embrace it.

On the walk back to her dorm room, Alex began to see everything around her in a new way. She looked at the interactions of the people and objects around her, the way the foot traffic flowed along the sidewalk, the way the breeze made everyone's hair fly in the same direction, the way the pigeons would fearlessly duck and weave between cars to get to wherever it is pigeons need to go, the way that cop over there caught her attention and everything else faded away. Until that moment Alex didn't realise how turned on she could be by a woman in uniform. The trousers hugged her in all the right places, letting Alex only imagine the toned legs they hid. The gun belt gave the illusion of extra swagger, and a hint of danger with the promise of protection. The shirt didn't even register with Alex. All she could think about were the perfectly formed breasts contained within it and how she wanted to wrap her lips around the nipples hiding under a thin layer of fabric. 'Handsome' seemed too masculine of a word for such a woman. 'Hot' seemed to lack the vast respect Alex had for police officers and the role they performed in society. 'Attractive' seemed to ignore the burning desire ignited in Alex to grab the woman and kiss her until her legs gave way.


End file.
